The One Where R-Patz And I Find Our Way Out Of Highbury

So, I’m at Highbury, Arsenal’s former ground (and now a millionaire’s playground, filled with offices, apartments and fashionably moulded garden ornaments, which themsleves are being gently and gracefully shat on by class-ignorant pigeons). Anyway, I’m back in the time when Arsenal still played there (when they preferred to win trophies, rather than view them as shiny distractions) and a game has evidently just finished, because I’m leaving the North Stand and heading south down the Avenell Road side of the ground. For some reason I’m still inside the ground and all of a sudden I have a companion.

From where he’s come I don’t know, but I turn around to see exactly who it is and it’s no other than the pasty-faced vampire/young Hugh Grant, Robert Pattinson. As we make our way down to the south end of the ground, we start to realise we don’t know the way out. Suddenly, I’m holding a half-full pint glass,I’m assuming half-full of beer, but this is a dream and I’d rather not sample what could frankly be anything.

For some reason, I’m of the opinion that sturdily patting the glass on the rim will somehow bring up google maps on the side of the glass. After several attempts at this, I give up and spot a hot dog stand to my left. As I make a bee-line for the stand, R-Patz wanders off in a southerly direction.

I tuck into my hot dog and manage to finish what’s left of the still-unidentified liquid in the glass. I try my patting-the-rim trick again (not half as dirty as it sounds) and all of a sudden, hey presto, google maps pops up on the side of the glass and I’ve soon got my bearings. I look up from the glass in time to see R-Patz walking towards me, smiling and declaring that he’s found the way out.

It ends there. I’m not saying this is a classic, but I can’t conjure up gold every night…I’ve said that before….